As a kid, I was taught when talking about a person, to use who, and never that, because that was only for things.

I can remember exactly how many of my English teachers taught me this rule. It was all of them, starting in grade school and continuing through to the end of college.

But somewhere in the years after that, I began to notice a drift and then a shift and finally an impaction. I doubt it was a matter of conscious choice…

More and more I heard people referred to as thats.

And gradually, quietly, this habit made its way throughout society until that is now common usage and who is fading away.

Now, I’m not a stickler when it comes to grammar. Not at all. Take whom, for example. It’s been so long since I used that word that I don’t even remember how to spell it. But…

Dispensing with whom doesn’t diminish anything.

I just personally think the sound of whooommm is overblown and stuffy and unnecessary. So I stick with who no matter what the grammatical case, even if it’s objective. The way I see it…

I gain something in sound while losing nothing in meaning.

But when you turn a who into a that, I think something does get lost. And I don’t want to lose it.

I’ve got guesses why this change has happened….

Maybe capitalism has so successfully transformed humans into commodities that referring to each other as objects just feels right.

Or maybe, if you’re a that you can dispense with so many of the basic human responsibilities which can be so challenging. Like it’s just easier not to care.

Or maybe, we’re suffering from a generalized despair about our species, and that-ifying ourselves is part of the surrender.

Whatever the reason, it seems to me there’s something heartless about this change. And here we are living in scary times, so…

I wish for each of us to have as much heart as possible.

But to break the spell of the unconscious drift, maybe we simply need to call the question, each one of us…

Do I want to be a that?

Do I want that kind of ease? At whatever cost comes with it.

Or…

Do I want to be a who?

Taking a stand for myself. And having whos for loved ones and for friends.